A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office
worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
and LeRoy," she answered.
"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked  "What if you want them to
come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all
come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

   An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They
   were in bed
   getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I
   should tell you I have
   acute angina The old man says I hope so, you sure don't have cute
   tits.
   

Did you hear about the guy that entered his dog at Crufts? 

    He got 16 months. 

What is the Australian for foreplay?

Brace yourself, Sheila!

And the Welsh?

Are you awake, Gwen?

A neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50's, had a relatively minor
heart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his 
cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. The
cardiologist said, "Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your 
heart. After you get home, you should have sex 3 or 4 times a week. It'll
be the best thing you can do for your recovery."
So after his discharge (from the hospital), Myron tells his wife what
the doctor had said. His wife looked at him and told him, "That's 
wonderful, Myron! Sign me up for twice."