German Shepard on Golf Course
   
   A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when
   his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt.
   Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their
   relationship had been purely platonic.
   They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse
   where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem.
   Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran
   up and threw a bucket of water on them.

   Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very
   polite. While taking
   dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving
   the room she said,
   "Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open."
   He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his
   zipper was open. So,
   he decided to have a little fun with his secretary and called her back
   into his office. "By the
   way Miss Smith," he said, "When you noticed my barracks door open this
   morning, did
   you also notice a soldier standing at attention ?"
   "Why no sir," she replied, "All I saw was a little disabled veteran
   sitting on two duffel
   bags."
   

   The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the
   night.
   
   "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young
   mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive."
   
   The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door,
   the phone rang again.
   
   "You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of
   relief. "My husband just found another one."
   

A hill country husband died and left everything to his wife.
He put a provision in his will though that she couldn't touch
any of it until she turned 14.

   I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was
   talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said,
   "Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is...   well...   my wife knows
   nothing of my wants and needs...   she's hardly ever in the mood for
   sex...   I guess what it comes down to is that my wife just doesn't
   understand me at all, does yours ?"
   
   I thought about it a minute or two, then said. "I don't think so
   George, as a matter of fact, I don't recall her ever even mentioning
   your name at all."