A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish
Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, "What a Pollack."
The Polish man said, "I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and
asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew."
"Probably, " replied the clerk.
"And if an Italian came in here and asked for spaghetti and meatballs,
would you also insult him?"
"Probably," the clerk again replied.
"Why you're nothing but a bigot. Why do you have to insult everybody not
like you?"
At this, the clerk replied, "Because this is a HARDWARE store, moron."

   Laboratory Rabbit Freedom
   A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he
   had been born and
   brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he
   felt grass under his
   little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
   'Wow, this is great,' he
   thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing
   under it he saw a
   wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at
   the lush grass.
   'Hey,' he called. 'I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just
   escaped. Are you wild
   rabbits?
   'Yes. Come and join us,' they cried.
   Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted
   so good. 'What else
   do you wild rabbits do?' he asked.
   'Well,' one of them said. 'You see that field there? It's got carrots
   growing in it. We dig
   them up and eat them.'
   This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most
   succulent carrots. They
   were wonderful.
   Later, he asked them again, 'What else do you do?'
   'You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them
   as well.'
   The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later
   completely full. 'Is there
   anything else you guys do?' he asked.
   One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.
   'There's one other thing
   you must try. You see those rabbits there,' he said, pointing to the
   far corner of the field.
   'They're girls. We poke them. Go and try it.'
   Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning screwing his little
   heart out until, completely
   knackered, he staggered back over to the guys.
   'That was fantastic,' he panted.
   'So are you going to live with us then?' one of them asked.
   'I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't.'
   The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. 'Why? We thought
   you liked it here.'
   'I do,' our friend replied. 'But I must get back to the laboratory.
   I'm dying for a cigarette.'
   

 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV. The first one said she wanted to
watch the INDY 500. The second one wanted to watch the sexy Shawn Michels
on WWF. The third nun said she wanted to watch the knitting channel so she
can knit some mittens for the kitchen. The fourth nun said she wanted to
watch the discovery channel on how a baby is born. After some dicussion,
they all decided to flip channels every 2 seconds so they can watch the
same things.
This is what is sounded like:
And they're off! They're on top of each other! In...Out...In...Out...and
yes, the baby is born!

Aspirin makes a great contraceptive. Jhold it between your knees.

How do you know when a redneck isn't wearing any underwear?

There's dandruff on his/her shoes.