Q: What's the worst part about eating vegetables?
A: The wheelchair.

Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were
popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red 
blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from 
back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker 
kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll 
give you $10 for a blow job."
The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the 
city slicker on the spot. The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for 
defendin' mah honor!" Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, 
"Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of a woman in 
Texas!"

What did the redneck get on his I.Q. test?

Drool.

AGE        DRINK
        17         Wine Coolers
        25         White wine
        35         Red wine
        48         Dom Perignon
        66         Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

Q: What's the best way to kill a man?

A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him.
   Then tell him to pick only one