The Latest Breaking News on the GoodTimes Virus


   It turns out that this so-called hoax virus is very
dangerous after all.  Goodtimes will re-write your hard
drive.  Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are
even close to your computer.  It will recalibrate your
refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes
melty.  It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit
cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use
subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to
play.

  It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number.  It
will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank.  It will drink all
your beer and leave dirty socks on the coffee table when
company comes over.  It will put a dead kitten in the back
pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when
you are late for work.

   Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin.  It
will give you nightmares about circus midgets.  It will pour
sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows
while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing
the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.

    It will seduce your grandmother.  It does not matter if
she is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out
beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

   It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you
can't find it.  It will kick your dog.  It will leave
libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice!
It is insidious and subtle.  It is dangerous and terrifying
to behold.  It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

   Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.  It will leave
the toilet seat up.  It will make a batch of Methamphetamine
in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove
while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new
snowblower.

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of
a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he
starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a
grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven,
1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth
Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he
leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with
him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has
changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the
previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.  When
they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing,
again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are
being played in the reverse order in which they were
composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has
gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the
Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for
the music.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's
just decomposing!"

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and
repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll
have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly
20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my
instructions?" 
The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to
drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."

Mr.Richman has 3daughters. Their names are nobody, somebody and crazy.
One day nobody and somebody are fighting over a fake eyebrow. Then crazy
when to the policeman and she said"Nobody and Somebody are fighting" Then
the policeman look at her then he said "What are you
talking about?" Then she said again "Nobody and Somebody are fighting"
Then the policeman said "What? Are you crazy?" Then she said "Yes but how
did you know my name?"

And now, from our favourite fairy-tales....

Why does Peter Pan Fly?

You'd fly to if you got hit in the peter with a pan.