Different sex outcomes

Brunette after sex: "Oh that was great! Love you... wanna marry?"
Blonde after sex: "Next!"
Redhead after sex: "Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid."

McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with 
tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was 
already homesick.
"No," replied McAteer. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" 
"The cork fell out," said the Irishman. 

   Three lawyers met at an upscale nightspot for drinks one Friday night,
   got real plastered and met with unfortunate results on their way home.
   On Saturday, they were comparing notes during a round of golf.
   
   Lawyer 1 said he had gotten so drunk that he became disoriented and
   was very sick. When he arrived home he said that he was in such bad
   shape that he even blew chunks.
   
   Lawyer 2 said he thought he had an even worse experience. He lost
   control of his new BMW and totaled it by driving it into a utility
   pole. Fortunately, he wasn't injured in the crash.
   
   Lawyer 3 claimed his experience was the worst. He said when he got
   home his girlfriend was so pissed at him for being out late that she
   started throwing things at him. She totally destroyed a Ming dynasty
   vase that had an appraised value of over a half a million dollars.
   Then she went into the garage and started up his new Ferrari after
   dumping sugar in the gas tank.
   
   Lawyer 1 was standing there just shaking his head and crying
   uncontrollably. The other two asked him what was the matter. He said,
   "You guys just don't understand - "Chunks" is my dog!"
   

There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering 
the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The 
priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, 
"Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Take seven lemons and 
squeeze them into a glass and then drink it."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said "NO, but it will wipe the smile off of your face."

The modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she 
might have the sentence, "If you can read this you're too damn close" 
embroidered on her panties and bra. "Yes Madame," said the clerk. "I'm 
quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script 
letters?" "Braille," she replied.