A young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small
town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her
position to try to influence the new student. She asks the
class, "Who was the greatest man that ever lived?"

A girl raises her hand and says, "I think George Washington
was the greatest man that ever lived because he is the Father
of our country." The teacher replies, "Well...that's a good
answer, but that's not the answer I am looking for."

Another young student raises his hand and says, "I think
Abraham Lincoln was the greatest man that lived because he
freed the slaves and helped end the civil war." ... "Well, that's
another good answer, but that is not the one I was looking for."

Then the new Jewish boy raises his hand and says, "I think
Jesus Christ was the greatest man that ever lived." The
teacher's mouth drops open in astonishment. "Yes!" she says,
"that's the answer I was looking for." She then brings him up to
the front of the classroom and gives him a lollipop.

Later, during recess, another Jewish boy approaches him as he
is licking his lollipop. He says, "Why did you say, 'Jesus Christ'?"

The boy stops licking his lollipop and replies, "I know it's
Moses, and YOU know it's Moses, but business is business."

   After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was
   nursing a king-size hangover
   and asked his wife, "What the hell happened?"
   "As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss," replied
   the wife.
   "Piss on him," answered the husband.
   "You did," said the wife, "and he fired you."
   "Well, fuck him," said the husband.
   "I did, and you go back to work in the morning."
   

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave ?

Take them out their wheelchair.

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some 
preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and 
generally got organized for a leg over. After a few minutes, the girl 
started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing. "Your 
organ," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side." Hurt, he replied: 
"It's not used to playing in cathedrals." 

An old man and an old lady are getting
ready for bed one night when all of a
sudden the woman bursts out of the
bathroom, flings open her robe and yells:
"Super Pussy!"

The old man says: "I'll have the soup."