What goes "click click, Is that it?, click click, Is that it?" 

     Steveie Wonder doing a rubik's cube 

                                The Cop Quiz
     
   
                               By -=ShoEboX=-
    (This article originally appeared in Putsch Electronic Magazine.)

        Are you ready to be pulled over?  Are you prepared to hand over
your license and registration in the middle of the night to a prejudiced
pig who doesn't like you or your Dead Kennedys bumper sticker?  Take this
simple quiz and find out!

        Listed below are several questions asked by a cop who has just
pulled you over.  Below the questions are several possible responses.
Choose the best response to each.  Check your answers at the end.

1.  Do you know why I'm pulling you over, son/maam?
    a.  No, sir.
    b.  Because you're lonely?
    c.  To ask me if I have any Grey Poupon?
    d.  Because I ran down that old lady in the wheelchair?
    e.  Because you wanted a donation to your police station?  (Handing him
        a fifty or two)
    f.  Because of the Stealth Bomber I have in tow?
    g.  Because I'm pedaling too fast?
    h.  Because I'm Ice-T?

2.  Can I see your license and registration?
    a.  Yes sir. (handing them over)
    b.  Can I see your high school diploma?  Oh, I forgot...you're a cop.
    c.  Wanna see pictures too?  (pulling a string of family photos out of
        your wallet) Here's my mommy, my daddy, my sister, my friend, my
        dog, my toilet, your mom bent over with a light bulb in her...oh,
        how did THAT picture get in here?
    d.  I don't have a license, and this car is stolen.
    e.  (pull it out and read it to him veeeery slowly, not ever handing
        it to him)

3.  Would you mind stepping out of the car?
    a.  Of course, sir.  (getting out)
    b.  What?  In this weather?
    c.  Are you kidding?  I'm too drunk to stand up!
    d.  First, repeat after me:  "I realize that you are not Rodney King."
    e.  This is a motorcycle, dumbass.

4.  Walk along this line.
    a.  Yes sir.  (walking the line)
    b.  No thanks...I just snorted one.
    c.  Duuuude...which one?  The wavy one, the colorful one, or the one
        in the middle that's laughing at me?
    d.  Are you sure you wouldn't rather I skip merrily in a figure eight?

5.  You call that a straight line?
    a.  Yes, sir.
    b.  Well, officer Pythagoras, the only way YOU could see a straight
        line is by looking at your own brain wave pattern!  (NOTE:  This is
        stolen from Emo Phillips)

6.  Do you want to spend the night in jail?
    a.  No sir.
    b.  What are they serving for dinner?
    c.  That depends.  Are YOU gonna be there, big fella?  (smiling
        seductively)
    d.  Do the cells have ESPN?
    e.  Sure!  I haven't seen your mom in months!

7.  Hey, that's my car!  Don't pee on that!
    a.  Yes, sir (zipping up)
    b.  Yes, sir (turning around and peeing on him)

SCORING
-------
Give yourself 13 points for each time you answered "a".
Give yourself 83 points if you answered "e" for #1.
Give yourself 346 points if you ignored #7 because it isn't going to happen.
Give yourself 8,425 points if you RECOGNIZED answer "b" of #5 from an Emo
        Phillips routine.
Give yourself 24,983 points if you skipped right over this scoring section.

Subtract your score from your score to get the IQ of an average racist LAPD
cop.
  

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell 
out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table.

The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement
park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The
ride completed, she seemed rather bored.
     "What would you like to do next?" he asked.
     "I wanna be weighed," she said. So the young man
took her over to the weight guesser.
"One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was
absolutely right.
     Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he
bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked
what else she would like to do.
     "I wanna be weighed," she said.
     I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought
the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a
headache, he took the girl home.
     The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so
early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a
nice time tonight?"
     "Wousy," said the girl.

It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married,
but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to
heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to
get married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life,
and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and
agreed, but said they would have to wait.
It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for
them. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things went
on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time,
that eternity was best not spent together. They went back to
St. Peter, and said: "We thought we would be happy forever, but
now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there
any way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter.
"It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry
you. I will never get a lawyer!"