A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins,
to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.
Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless
world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side.

He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied,
"Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter.
But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates
filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious,
I named them for you."

The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he
done now?" and said with trepidation,
"Well what did you name them?"

The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."

The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name!
What did you come up with for my son?"

The brother replied, "Denephew."

How do you confuse a blond?
You don't, they're born that way. 

What does a camera and a condom have in common?

They both capture that magic moment.

   It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was
   establishing the fact
   that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking
   the roll, she was told
   by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer". So she said "There'll be
   none of that kind of
   thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!". The kid said "No,
   really teacher, it IS
   Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask
   my brother if you
   don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing,
   the teacher went
   across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door. The
   fourth grade teacher
   had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she
   entered the room and
   directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?" "Hell no!"
   replied a little kid
   from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"
   

   A wild rabbit got caught and was taken to a laboratory. While he was
   in there he befriended a rabbit who had been in the lab since the day
   he was born.
   
   Anyway, one evening the wild rabbit noticed that his cage hadn't been
   properly closed, and decided to make a break for freedom. He asked the
   lab rabbit if he would like to join him. The lab rabbit was unsure, as
   he had never been outside the lab. However, the wild rabbit finally
   convinced him to give it a try.
   
   Once they were free, the wild rabbit said, "I'll show you the number
   three best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field full of lettuce.
   
   After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show
   you the number two best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field
   full of carrots.
   
   After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show
   you the number one best field." and took the lab rabbit to a warren
   full of female bunnies. It was heaven, non-stop bonking most of the
   evening.
   
   As dawn was beginning to break, the lab rabbit announced that he would
   have to be getting back to the lab.
   
   "Why?" said the wild rabbit. "I've shown you the number three best
   field with the lettuce, the number two best field with the carrots,
   and the number one best field with the bonking. Why do you want to go
   back to the lab?"
   
   The lab rabbit replied "I can't help it - I'm dying for a cigarette!"