Well, a couple months back there was this trial in the West Virginia 
courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep. Anyway,
the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the 
farm where the sheep was raised. 
The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw. "Well, I was walkin'
along, and saw this sheep just'a eatin' grass. And then this fella walks up
from behind the sheep, real quiet-like." 
"And then what?" asked the prosecutor. 
"Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close." 
" And what happened after that?" 
"Well," said the witness, "they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. 
THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around... an' licked him!" 
Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury
member next to him and said, "You know... a good sheep'll do that."

Long ago in Israel the wisest man, a great philopher and thinker, was 
holding audience. Everyone was there - the hall was packed out - 
politicians at the front, professionals, doctors, lawyers next, then 
businessmen, etc., with lesser beings further and further away. 

He intones his most famous and deepest saying: "Life is like a fish". 
Everyone murmers in obedient and respectful agreement "How wise", "What a 
thinker", "How true", "What a man". 

At the very back of hall, a callow, spotty youth - a freshman probably, 
sticks his hand up and asks "Why?". Absolute horror around the hall... 
They stare round enraged at him "How can he question the great man?", "Has 
he no sense at all?". They stare back anxiously at the great man - what 
will he do? He doesn't react, just sits there, pondering. The atmosphere 
is electric. After ten minutes of deep thought, the great man looks up, 
the audience expectant with bated breathe. He speaks. "Alright, so it's 
not like a fish".

There's just no pleasin' some women at all. Just the other day I was
   trying to read the paper and naturally, my wife picked that moment to
   begin a discussion. I heard her say "...and then I went to see Dr.
   Gibbons." I grunted a reply, and she raised her voice saying, "Are you
   listening to me?"
   
   I put the paper down and said, "Yes sweetheart, I heard every word.
   You said you went to see Dr. Gibbons. So... how is he ???"
   
   Would y'all believe she didn't talk to me the rest of the evening ?