A medieval Jewish astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite 
mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. 
The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had 
brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded 
him: "Prophecy, tell me when you will die!" 

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him 
immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will 
die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will 
die three days later."

I was on a Reno Air flight from San Jose to Las Vegas and the 
plane was taxiing to take off. The flight attendant came on the 
intercom and said, "For those of you currently reading our in-
flight magazine, please place it back in the seat pocket in front 
of you, as it is for IN-FLIGHT only." Later on, once we were 
airborne, he came back and said, "If you're sitting on the right 
side of the plane, look out the window and you will see big, 
white, fluffy clouds. If you're on the left side of the plane, you'll 
see ... big, white, fluffy clouds. Directly beneath you is...your 
luggage."

Once we landed, he told us to remain seated with our seatbelts 
fastened until we were fully stopped at the gate. Just as we 
were about to reach the gate, he said, "Don't even think about 
it!" He also said, "We have a man onboard who is celebrating 
his 100th birthday and this is his first flight! It is also probably 
his last flight." ('Boo's' from the passengers.) "So please, when 
you walk by the cockpit , wish the pilot a happy birthday."

A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the 
Ramada Hotel, where the American Bar Association was 
holding its Annual Conventions. More than a hundred lawyers 
were taken as hostages. The terrorist leader announced that 
unless their demands were met, they would release one 
lawyer every hour.