"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and
all the impersonators would be dead."

                             - Johnny Carson

I love those slow-talking Southern girls. I was out with a Southern girl last night, took her so
long to tell me she wasn't that kind of girl, she was. 

    - Woody Woodbury 

Platonic friend is like a dick in a glass.
In case of an emergency -- you break the glass.

                                     -- Chris Rock

One time I went to a museum where all the work in the museum had been done by
children.  They had all the paintings up on refrigerators.

"I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do, I do
believe in spooks" 
             
                                                         -- the Cowardly Lion