What do you mean, funny?  Funny-peculiar
or funny-ha-ha?
                                -- Ian Hay, THE HOUSEMASTER,
                                   Act III (1936).

* Cocaine is gods way of telling you that you make too much money.

   In the men's room at a Burger King restaurant:
   It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good food into shit. It
   only takes Burger King 10 minutes.


  

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.
Then the stronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's
what happens to cheese when you leave it out.

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only
profession that teach our children." 

    - J. Danforth Quayle,
      former U.S. Vice-President, September 18, 1990