Oh, that supple young man of Montrose 
               Who tickled his tail with his toes! 
                    His landlady said, 
                    As she made up his bed, 
               "My God! How that man blows his nose!" 

                    There was a young fellow from Dallas
                            
                    Who enjoyed doing things with his phallus.
                            So many tricks did he try
                            It became, by and by,
                            
                    Little more than a leather-tough callous.
                            

               A vice both obscene and unsavory 
               Holds the Mayor of Southhampton in slavery. 
                    With bloodcurdling howls 
                    He deflowers young owls 
               Which he keeps in an underground aviary. 

To his bride a young bridegroom said, "Pish! 
            Your cunt is as big as a dish!" 
                She replied, "Why, you fool, 
                With your limp little tool 
            It's like driving a nail with a fish!" 

The voice from the UFO cried,
"To the smartest we'll give a free ride!"
Several men volunteered,
But the ship disappeared
With a whale and two dolphins inside.