A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend 
and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in 
the Netherlands flag. 

"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said.  "We get red when 
we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue 
after we pay them." 

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see 
stars, too." 

President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the 
season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and 
whispers something in Clinton's ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at 
Hillary and yells, "Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!". She looks surprised but 
leaves. The pitcher looks at Clinton and says, "No, I said to throw out 
the first PITCH!" 

I've got trouble with the wife again - she came into the bar 
looking for me and I asked for her number.

What's the difference between a white gerbil and a brown gerbil?

The white one got away. 

A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest...the grass was very thick
and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached
the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00.
The boy said "Thank you, virgin Father!"
The priest replied, "What did you say?"
The boy repeated, "Thank you, virgin Father!"
The priest asked him, "Do you know what that means?"
The boy replied, "Yes.... tight ass!"