Serbian official press agency claimed today that Serbian forces shot down 
two F-117 Planes and four Ballistic "smart" missiles.
Pentagon denied the statement, saying that all of them had safely returned 
to NATO's base.

Two So-Cal guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in 
court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and 
I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to
go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them 
to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday.

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, 
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." 
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: 
                      _
                    /   \
                   |     |        O 
                    \ _ /

and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this 
(small circle) is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd 
boy)

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." 

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" 

"Well, I used the same two circles.  I pointed to the
small circle and told them, "this is your asshole before prison......"

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How much money have you got?

Oprectomy



                        KENMORE HOSPITAL
                      61 COMMONWEALTH AVE.
                        BOSTON, MA. 02115



                                                DATE:____________

NAME:

ADDRESS:



Please be advised that your Oprectomy operation is scheduled for

_______________, at ___________(a.m.)(p.m.). The purpose of this

extremely delicate operation is to sever the cord that connects

your eyes to your rectum and hopefully get rid of your shitty

outlook on life.

                                        Sincerely,


                                        J. Grabber, M.D.
                                        Kenmore Hospital

Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was 
always after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up 
after some love making, and he said, "You really ought to quit."

She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good 
cigarette after sex."

He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever 
smoked, and he replied that he had never.

Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's 
your excuse then?"