Old Chinese proverb:

Rape impossible!
Woman with skirt up run faster than man with trousers down!

   The horny midget found that the best way to make time with women was
   to be direct about
   it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and
   said,"Hey, honey,
   whaddaya say to a little fuck?"
   She looked down at him and promptly replied, "Hello, you little fuck!"
   

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get
it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can
do."

The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your
clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie
down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said.
"Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were 
discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright, 
I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over
here!"
        The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"
        The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"
        Without hesitating, the private kills the man.
        The general says, "See? That man has balls!"
        The marine general says, That's nothing. Private, get over here!"
        The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?"
        The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him and
then kill yourself."
        Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows
away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.
        The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!"
        The admiral says, "That's nothing."
        He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, "Hey, seaman, jump off
that tower!"
        The seaman answers, "Excuse me, sir?"
        The admiral repeats, "JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!"
        The seaman replies, "Fuck you, sir!"
        The admiral says, "See? That man has balls and he's got brains 
too!"

A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. 
"HA!" he snorted. "The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can 
grow hair on your chest!" On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her 
panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, "There! I have hair on my 
chest, now buy me the damn coat!" "That's not your chest!" he roars back. 
"Damn right it's my chest!" she argued. "Before we got married, this was 
your hope chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure chest. Afterwards 
it became our family chest....AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR COAT...IT WILL 
SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"