An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anything
   for a while the
   Priest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy there's no
   paper in here either.
   

What's the difference between a ritz
                             cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!

A tourist from the United States of America is at a resturant
in Havana.  He tells the waiter that the USA is the best
country in the world because of the freedoms it has.  He says,
"Take Freedom of Speech for example.  I could stand in front
of the White House in Washington D.C. and yell 'President
Clinton is a bastard!' and nothing would be done to me."  The
Cuban waiter replies, "We have that same freedom in Cuba.  I
could stand in front of El Capital and yell the same thing and
nothing would be done to me too!"

What is green and purple and wants revenge?

The Grapes of Wrath


Sent by Diane 

    A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their
   25th anniversary.
   "HA," he snorted, "The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you
   can grow hair on your chest!" On that she hikes up her skirt, drops
   her panties, and thrusts her pubic area forward. "There! I have hair
   on my chest, now buy me a fur coat." "That's not your chest!" he roars
   back. "Damn right it's my chest," she argued, "Before we got married,
   this was your hope chest. On our honeymoon, it was your treasure
   chest. Afterwards it became our family chest. AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME
   A FUR COAT, IT WILL SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"