The new FDA milk labeling rules are so strict, it's now illegal to print a 
picture of a missing fat kid on a carton of skim milk.

A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring 
in a permission slip in order to take it. Little Johnny handed in his slip 
and explained to the teacher, "My mom says I can take the course as long 
as there's no homework." 

After years with a psychiatrist, a man who thought he was a 
dog was declared cured.  A friend asked him how he felt now.  
The former patient replied, "Fine!  Just feel my nose."

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition
that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well,
this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And
the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up
and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all
the invited guests were hauled off to jail. In court the next week,
the judge asked the best man what happened.
"Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and
kicked the bride between the legs."
"That must have hurt," said the judge.
"No kidding," said the best man. "I broke three of my fingers."

Two wives were airing their troubles:
"I'd like to get a divorce," said the first.
"My husband and I just don't get along."
"Why don't you sue him for incompatibility?"
asked the second.
"I would if I could catch him at it,"
replied the first.