year old Timmy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinks
his babysitter is gay.

"Whatever makes you think THAT?!!?" says mom.

Timmy replies, "Because his dick tasted like shit!"

How do you tell if you are in a gay church? 
 Only half the congregation is kneeling. 

During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across 
the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing 
along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The 
commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run 
up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of the
advancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general 
stops the troops and waits to see what happens.

Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to 
investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be 
seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find 
out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, 
too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entire
division to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune.

But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and 
cups his hands to his lips. "Go back!" he shouts. "Go back! It's 
hopeless-- there's TWO of them!"

   Did you hear about Adolph, the brown-nosed reindeer? He could run as
   fast as Rudolph,
   he just couldn't stop as fast.
   

   A sailor walks into a bar. The bartender immediately notices that this
   is a pretty well built
   guy but he has the tiniest little pinhead. After serving the sailor a
   couple of drinks,
   curiosity finally gets the best of the bartender and he asks the
   sailor why he had a normal
   sized body with such a tiny head. The sailor tells him this story: "I
   was involved in a naval
   battle where I was the only survivor. I was stranded on a deserted
   island in the middle of
   the ocean for months, when I happened across a mermaid while I was
   walking on the
   beach." She was on the beach and couldn't get back in the water so I
   helped her get back
   to the ocean, she was so grateful she granted me three wishes. I first
   asked to be rescued
   off that god forsaken island. She told me that it was no problem, that
   the rescue ship was
   on the way, and that I still had two more wishes." "Next I asked for a
   never ending roll of
   twenty dollar bills." Then the sailor reached into his pocket and kept
   pulling out 20s and
   putting them on the bar. "Finally I said to her, 'I've been on this
   island for quite some time
   without a woman and I'm quite horny, She said "as you can see from the
   waist down I'm a
   fish so I'm sorry but I can't help you there." "Well I thought about
   it for a minute and said
   OK, how about a little head.