A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his
   homosexuality and
   decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother
   first; so on his next
   home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying
   herself stirring stew with
   a wooden spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had
   realized he was gay.
   Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean,
   homosexual?"
   "Well...yes." Still without looking up:
   "Does that mean you suck men`s penises?"
   Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an
   embarrassed
   affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the
   wooden spoon
   threateningly under his nose, snapped: "Don`t you EVER complain about
   my cooking
   again!"
   

A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good,"says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?
The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled
with food if you should call."

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his 
options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible 
donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an 
automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman 
who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. 
The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 
years. Which do you want?"

"I'll take the lawyer's heart", said the patient.

After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why 
he had chosen the donor he did.  "It was easy", said the 
patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."

What is a macho man?

After getting a blow job, he asks the woman,
'Was it as good for you, as it was for me?'

A first-grade teacher was overseeing her students as they 
experimented with their desk computers. One boy sat staring 
at the screen, unsure how to get the computer going. 

The teacher walked over and read what was on his screen.
In her most reassuring voice, she said, "The computer wants to 
know what your name is," then she walked over to the next 
child.

The boy leaned toward the screen and whispered, "My name is 
David."