A lady went running to a doctor with a badly spoiled stomach.  
"What did you eat for dinner last night?" asked the doctor.
"Oysters," she said.
"Fresh oysters?" asked the doctor.
"How should I know?" said the lady
"Well," asked the doctor, "couldn't you tell when you took off the 
shells?"
"My Gosh," gasped the lady.  "Are you supposed to take off the shells?"

Q: What's a Jewish American Princess' favorite position?

A: Facing Bloomingdales

A young soldier was making his first parachute jump.
The corporal explained the procedure "You count to
ten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn't
open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after
you land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up."
The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary
"Geronimo!" and jumped out of the plane. He counted to
ten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open.
He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn't
open. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet that
goddamn truck won't be there either!"

First snake:I hope I'm not poisonous.

Second snake:Why?

First snake:Because I bit my lip!

What kind of clothes are there?
women: clean & dirty
Men: Clean,almost clean,sorta clean,not bad,dirty,really dirty,nasty ,
biohazzard.(Men will voluntarily wear all but the last classification of
these clothes).