Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the
local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His
friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose
women' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the first
man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."at the
local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His
friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose
women' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the first
man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."

If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than
any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least
for a couple of years.

Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets?
A: To smell like big girls.

Good News, Bad News, Worse News

  Good: 
        Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
   Bad: 
        You can't find your birth control pills
 Worse: 
        Your daughter borrowed them

Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests 
came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks 
great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at 
peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?"
George replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up
in the middle of the  night, poof!...the light goes on and I go to the
bathroom and then poof! the light goes off!"
"Wow," commented Dr. Smith,  'That's incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he 
said, "George is  just fine.  Physically he's great. But I had to call you
because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.  Is it true that he gets 
up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then 
poof! The light goes off?"
Thelma replied, "Oh God!  He's peeing in the fridge again!"