For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer,
this one is for you. An award should go to the United Airlines
gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her
point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to
fly as baggage.
A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking
a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger
pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the
counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be
FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help
you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be
able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public
address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she
began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a
passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone
can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir,
but you'll have to stand in line for that, too!"

Phone Won't Stop Ringing? -- Here's What You Do. 

Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But 
unlike most people she did something about it. 
The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had 
acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. 
From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. 
Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a 
case to persuade the motel management to change its number. 
Naturally, the management refused, claiming that it could not change its 
stationery. 
The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just 
because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't 
make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to 
take matters into her own hands. 

At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel 
and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leola said, "No problem. 
How many nights?" 
A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two 
bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 
10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she 
would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be 
necessary," Leola said. "We trust you." 
The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an 
electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a 
college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War 
II. 
She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could 
watch the O.J. Simpson trial, but her biggest challenge came in the 
afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's 
wedding in June. 
Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would 
be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The 
mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral 
arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola 
was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend 
that the client tips the drivers." 

Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. 
People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen 
parties and were all told there were no such events. 
Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the 
motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott 
said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel." 
Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone 
number."

My boyfriend and I were at my daughter's volleyball
game when we noticed a couple in the bleachers.
They were being VERY affectionate.
She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on his ear.
He had his hands on her too. 
I said to my boyfriend,
"I don't know whether to watch them or the game."
He said, "Watch THEM! You already KNOW how to play volleyball."