Going the speed of light is bad for your age.

"Men get laid, but women get screwed." 

     - Quentin Crisp (English writer) 

"It must be indicative of something other than the redistribution of
 smurf..."
                        -- me (... and that's one of them)

Smoking cures weight problems...eventually.

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."

                                                - Paul Rodriguez