"Adrian is my inverse chaperone. He checks up on me to see if I'm doing
 anything, and if I'm not he tells me to do something."
                        -- me

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
       the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the
       bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off.

Never kick a fresh cow pie on a hot day. 

     - Harry S. Truman

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men 
   don't think there's a lot they don't know.  Women do.  Women
   want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show 
   me somebody naked."
   -Jerry Seinfield

Never accept a drink from a urologist. 

    - Erma Bombeck