To an ancient divine of Tyrone 
            Was the art of rebushing cunts known. 
                In each cunt he would ram 
                A fine, prime raw ham, 
            And then deftly extracted the bone, 

There was an old man from Peru
Who dreamt he was eating his shoe.
He awoke in a fright 
In the middle of the night
And found it was perfectly true.

                    There once was a man from Boston
                            
                    Who had a very small Austin.
                            There was room for his ass
                            And a gallon of gas,...
                            
                    His balls hung out and he lost 'em!

               There lived in French Louisiana 
               A quaint and deceived old duenna 
                    Who naively thought 
                    That a penis was wrought 
               To be et like a thick ripe banana. 

A daring young maid from Dubuque 
               Risked a rather decided rebuke 
                    By receiving a prude 
                    In the absolute nude, 
               But he gasped, "If you only could cook!"