There was a young man in Norway, 
               Tried to jerk himself off in a sleigh, 
                    But the air was so frigid 
                    It froze his balls rigid, 
               And all he could come was frappe. 

There was a young girl named Maxine 
            Who found a new use for the bean. 
                As a vaginal bearing 
                She found it long-wearing, 
            And it varied her fucking routine.

There once was a woman from France,
Who did an unusual dance.
She'd roll in the grass,
And lick her own ass,
Her sex would put men in a trance.

There once was a lady from Pinner
Whose boyfriend wanked on her dinner
She said if you please
I don't mind some cream teas
But I like my white sauce a bit thinner 

               Winter is here with his grouch, 
               The time when you sneeze and slouch. 
                    You can't take your women 
                    Canoein' or swimmin', 
               But a lot can be done on a couch.