Q: Why is a violist like a terrorist?
A: They both fuck up bowings.

The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris,
France, and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently
studied the array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled
over to him. "Do you have something in mind?" she asked.
"I certainly do, ma'am," the American emphatically replied. "That's
why I want a nice gift." 

What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool?

Bob

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?


                                         A Doberman.

What's the fastest way to get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.