Why do you wrap duct tape around a hamster?

So it doesn't explode when you fuck it.

What does a lesbian think the string on the end of a tampoon is for? 

     For flossing after eating. 

The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When
she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans
all gathered around to hear the details. She said,
"Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine." 

"Well? What did he want to do?" they all asked. 

She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but
he said he did not have that much. So, I told him a blow
job would be $75, but he did not have that much either.
Finally I said, 'Well how much do you have?' The marine
said he only had $25. So, I told him, 'For $25, all I
can give you is a hand job.' He agreed and after getting
the finances straight, he pulled it out. I put one
hand on it. Then, I put the other hand above that one." 

She paused, raised her eyebrows, and then continues,
"Then I put the first hand above the second hand..." 

"Oh my God!" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge!
Then what did you do?" 

"I loaned him $75!" 

Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I'm getting married.
I'm tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to
wear."

The other one says, "I'm getting divorced for the same reasons."

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his
brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd
finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter.
Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his
suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short.
There sat his lover with an infant in her lap!

"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were
pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we
could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my
condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and
decided it would be better to have a bastard in the
family than a lawyer!"