What did the boy with a long tongue and big
lips say to his mom as he was masturbating? 

    "look Ma', no hands" 

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife 
made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was 
ransacking an adjoining room. 

But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to 
say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." 

"No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet when he gets to 
the poisons." 

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.
As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton,
"Are you ready to order?"
Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."
"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies.  "Sir, given the current
situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea.
I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu."
She walks away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."

Sent by Gail

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The
doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is
three times three?" 

"Tuesday," replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's
three times three?" 

"Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did
you get that?"

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

Why do blondes use so much shampoo? 

     The instructions read: LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT