A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and
said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will
surely die". 

  1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send
    him off to work in a good mood.

  2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and
    put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back
    to work.

  3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't
    burden him with household chores.

  4.Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy
    his every whim. 

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor
had told her.

"You're going to die," she replied. 

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer decides to start with the basics.
'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?' 

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for
about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!' 

The interviewer tries another straightforward one
to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, 
please?' 

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring
tape from her handbag. She then traps one end
under her foot and extends the tape to the top of
her head. She checks the measurement and announces,
'Five foot two!' 

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for
the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our
records, your name please?' 

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about
twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,
before replying, 'Mandy!' 

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so
he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand
your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and
the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what
were you doing when we asked you your name?' 

'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me running
through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....'' 

Bob, who's gay, decides to go out for a good time
and ends up at a gay bar. There he meets an attractive
young man named Johnny who he talks to all evening.
When the night comes to an end Johnny invites him over
to his place.

They get in Johnny's car, a pink stretch Cadillac, and
proceed to leave the parking lot. Yet Bob is quite
concerned when Johnny repeatedly smashes into parked
cars as they are leaving the lot. Once they reach
Johnny's place, again Johnny looks around and proceeds
to smash into parked cars as he's parking his.

As they got out of the car Johnny asked, "So Bob, do you
like my feminine side?" 

Why can't a man eat like a bird?

Have you ever tried to pick up food with your pecker?

Sent by Chris

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M's Factory?

She threw away all the w's.


Sent by Chris