After the worldwide strike of the "I LOVE YOU VIRUS," reports are already 
coming in that the virus is mutating into several stages. Within the next 
few hours, expect to see: 

The original "I love you" virus 
The "I like you alot" virus 
The "You're nice, but I just want to be friends" virus 
The "Look, it was just a date...don't get clingy" virus 
The "Okay, I think its best if we don't have anymore contact" virus 
The "It was late, I was drunk, you were easy" virus 
The "Stop calling me, you unfeeling jerk" virus 
The "That's it, I hate you and your stupid dog" virus 

and finally, 

The "You have made an enemy today, prepare to be boarded" virus

Doc and his wife were splitting up the debts and assets. The
main asset, of course, was the house.  My ex's truly serious
suggestion:  "Since the house payment is a little more than
the credit card payments, I'll do you a favor and take the
house and the house payment and you can take the credit card
debt."

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied,
"I knew I should have replaced the battery to this
remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do
you think they (pointing to a distant convenient
store)would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I
dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just
this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the
car keys to me. As I took the key and manually
unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive
over there and check about the batteries it's a long
walk.