A hospital is a place where men keep asking the nurses
for dates and the nurses keep giving them prunes. 

The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.

     - Paul Valery 

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the
       unfit, to do the unnecessary. -- Richard Harkness, The New York
       Times, 1960

My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it.  So I'm going to move to New
York.

"Kent put his name on his license plate."
"My mother does the same thing with my underware."
"Your mother puts license plates in your underware?"

                                    --Chris to Mitch in 'Real Genuis'