Seen on a bumper sticker...

    Cover me. I'm changing lanes. 

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably 
haven't completely understood the situation.

Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big
       crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and
       flail your arms around, like you're going to fall in.

I always turn to the sports page first, which record people's
accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man's failures. 

     - Chief Justice Earl Warren 

Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.