What is a man's best friend? 

    His dick because it always sitcks up for him. 

Why don't Mexicans teach driver's Ed. and Sex Education on the same day? 

     Because they don't want to wear out the donkey. 

   It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family are just
   waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at
   the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!
   
   "Who's been eating my porridge?!" he squeaks.
   
   Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks
   into his big bowl. It is also empty!
   
   "Who's been eating my porridge?!" he roars.
   
   Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen
   and screams, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through
   this? I haven't made the fucking porridge yet!!"
   

A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest,
"I had an affair with a woman... almost." The priest says,
"what do you mean almost?" 
The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together
but then I stopped." 
The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting
it in. You're not to go near that woman again, now say five
Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box." 
The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers,
then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and
then starts to leave. 
The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and
says, "I saw that, you didn't put any money in the poor box!" 
The man replied, "Well Father, I rubbed up against it and you
said it was the same as putting it in!"

An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name
legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked
"Can i help you sir?"
Our man said "Yes, I would like to change my name."
"What is your current name?" asked the clerk.
"Martin Arsehole," replied the man.
The clerk laughed, and said "I can see why you want a
change. What would you like your new name to be?"
"Tim."