A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his
neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's
his turn to be waited on.

A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase
and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked
the dog what it wanted today.

The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef,
and the butcher said, "How many pounds?" The dog barked twice, so the
butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said,
"Anything else?" The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher
said, "How many?" The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up
a package of four pork chops.

The dog walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get
at the purse and take out the appropriate amount of money before
tying the two packages of meat around the dog's neck.

The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the
dog. The dog walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house
where it began to scratch the door to be let in.

As the owner opened the door, the man called to the owner, "That's a
really smart dog you have there."

"He's not really all that smart," the owner replied.

"This is the second time this week he forgot his key."

One day in class the teacher has sex education.On the black board she draws
a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is.In the back of
the room,Dirty Johnny stands and says "That's a penis,and my father has two
of them". The teacher looks surprised and asks "What do you mean,two?"Dirty
Johnny responds,"A little one to pee,and a big one to brush the baby sitters
teeth."

   Teaching
   The teacher had given the class an assignment.
   He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no
   excuses will be
   accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the
   immediate family (with a
   note from that member).
   A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion,
   sir?"
   The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher
   responds with:
   "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
   

   The District Attorney requested all the robbery victims to
   come to the police station to study a lineup of five people. He placed
   his suspect at the end of the line. Then he asked each to step forward
   and say, "Give me all your money...and I need some change in quarters,
   nickels and dimes." The first four did it right. However, when it was
   the last man's turn to recite, he broke the case by blurting out,
   "That isn't what I said."

What is black and sits at the top of a set of stairs?

A quadraplegic in a house fire.