A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because 
he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and 
asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the priest says, " My son, after an 
exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is 
therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he 
goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and 
experienced in this matter. 

He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is 
work and therefore not for the Sabbath!

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: 
a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other 
words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, 
then states, " My son, sex is definitely play."

The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so 
many others tell me sex is work?"

The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have 
the maid do it."

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the 
police.  "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your 
car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The 
juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches 
masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the 
driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test 
they're giving now!"

   A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on
   the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the
   wife went on the ride by herself.
   
   The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out
   and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.
   
   "Are you hurt?" he asked.
   
   "Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't
   wave once!"
   

"What's the difference between the North American porcupine 
and the African porcupine," the society matron asked the 
zookeeper.

"The principal difference is the North American species has a 
longer prick."

This, as you might assume, distressed the matron who 
stormed immediately to the zoo manager's office. The zoo 
manager said, "Ma'am, I apologize for my staff's unfortunate 
choice of terms. What the keeper should have said is the 
North American species has a longer *quill*. In fact, their 
pricks are just about the same size."

   This guy and his girlfriend are fighting....she says "I'm breaking up
   with you." "Why??"
   he asks. She says "because you are a pedophile".
   He says "Pedophile?????? Hmmmm that's an awfully big word for a 10
   year old."