Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a
$100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously
much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two'gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it.
And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members
were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro, "I was teeing
up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand
between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever
tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"

Blondes dumb?!?!?

 After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a
blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food
to replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk
and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty
hot,so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde
walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."

What do spaghetti and blondes have in common?

 

They both wiggle when you eat them!

Sent by Sonia

A man finally goes with his wife to church.  The man was so impressed
with the preacher's sermon he stopped on the way out to shake his hand.

"Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a DAMNED fine sermon."  The preacher
says "Why thank you sir, but we don't used profanity in the house of 
the Lord".

The man says, "But preacher, that was the best DAMNED sermon I ever 
heard."  The preacher says again, "sir I must be blunt, DO NOT use 
curse words in the Lords house again".  

The man says "Well I was so impressed with your sermon that I
placed $1000 dollars in the collection plate".  

The preacher says "NO SHIT"?

You know why a dog licks his ass?

Because he knows in five minutes he'll be licking your face.