Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes
from bad judgment.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much
leave me the hell alone.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.