A young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, "What do they do to you in Socialist Hell?" "They boil you in oil, whip you, and then put you on the rack," the guard replied. "And what do they do to you in Capitalist Hell?" "The same exact thing," the guard answered. "Then why is everybody in line for Socialist Hell?" "Because in Socialist Hell, they're always out of oil, whips, and racks!"
Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other "hey how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?" pointing to the supervisor. The other says, "I don't know, go ask him." So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says "Hey, how come we do all a da work and you get all a da money?" The supervisor says "Intelligence". Guido says "what is this intelligence?" The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says "Hita my hand as hard as you can!" Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit the supervisors hand. Just as he almost does the supervisor pulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisor says "That's intelligence". Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and his co-worker says "Hey what did he say?" With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on his face and says "hita my hand as hard as you can. . ."
If Thinking Machines made toasters... You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at the same time.
A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a bar one evening and said to the bartender "Give everyone a drink except that gay guy over there" About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order, "Give everyone a drink except that gay guy over there" The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartender asks why, and the gay guy says "I am going to put one in each cheek, go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!"
Two brothers, ages 6 and 8, decide they are old enough to start cursing. So they plan to use dirty words the next morning at breakfast. The 8-year-old says he'll use the world HELL and tells the 6-year-old to use ASS. Well, the next morning they head downstairs for breakfast. And when their mother asks them what they want, the 8-year-old says, "Ah, Hell, I'll have some Fruit Loops." Shocked, the mother wheels around and backhands him on his chair, sending him screaming back upstairs. She then turns to the 6-year-old and says, "What are you going to have?" He replies, "I don't know, but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Fruit Loops."
