There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucket please?" The assistant asked"Pardon sir?". "Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man. "Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied. The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for his bucket and went into the antique shop. In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked - "Can I have a cock please?" The cashier looked very puzzled and asked "Pardon?". The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?" The cashier replied "Oh you mean a clock! - yes certainly sir." So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop. The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and asked "Can I have a bum please?" The assistant said "Sorry sir what did you say?". So he repeated himself "Can I have a bum please?". The assistant said " Oh right, you mean a bun!". The old man said "Yes that's what I said in the first place." So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop. As he was walking down the street a little old lady came up to him and asked "Excuse me sir, but do you know the time?" The man replied "Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while I get my cock out."
Once upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient oil lamp in an ash can and, thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked up and rubbed it. Sure enough, out popped a genie. "Master, I shall now grant you one wish." The man spoke, his eyes bulging with desire. "I wanna be rock hard and get plenty of ass for the rest of my life!" The genie obediently turned him into a toilet.
Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go." Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority." Female Employee: "And I'm a woman." Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin." ...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."
Q. What do elephants use for tampoons ? A. Sheep.
German Shepard on Golf Course A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem. Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.
