Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the
weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest
explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few
paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What
landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the
circle god kept.
The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same,
except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest
and the money that landed inside the circle god kept.
The rabbi said, "I've got you both beat. I throw the money
into the air and what god wants, god takes." 

How do we know that the "Toothbrush" was invented in West Virginia? 

   - Had it been invented anywhere else it would have been called a "Teethbrush". 

Tombstone Epitaph:

Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.

A somewhat drunk man feels a bald man's head and says,
"Say, your head feels just like my wife's ass."

The bald man feels his own head and says with a grin,
"You know, you're right!" 

Q: Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the toy store?

A: She was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face and shouting
   "Lie lie lie!"