You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base 
in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very 
surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately 
impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted 
the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a 
full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the 
investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was 
lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying 
"you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the 
rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such 
a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna 
showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this 
time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my 
wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

Sent by Vic

WASHINGTON, DC (DPI)  -- Earlier this week, the National Institute of 
Mental Health released the results of their research into the sudden 
increase of primary-school shootings.  NIMH researcher Eli Zleicherugg 
blames it all on a set of common childhood songs.  "The worst is 'Hi ho, 
hi ho, it's off to school we go, with razor blades and hand grenades,'"
Zleicherugg said at a press conference Wednesday.  "Not only does it lend 
an almost picnic tone to the concept of school violence, but at a deeper
psychological level, it bonds the idea of mass destruction to Walt 
Disney's 'Snow White.'"  Zleicherugg claims the problem is nationwide.  
"You can go into any sixth grade in the country, start singing 'Mine eyes 
have seen the glory of the burning of the school,' and watch the little 
yardapes twitch. I'm not saying that these kids are primed to explode,"  
he added.  "But if I were a teacher, I wouldn't delay in getting that 
concealed-carry permit."

In a related story, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is
investigating allegations that a rise in animal abuse is directly related 
to the "Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts"  song.

A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far"
in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was
convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced
the sentence to 1,001 years.