ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered 
with golden fried onion rings.

I work for an internet provider, as tech support.
So I get all the goofy calls... One day, an older
lady called the service obviously knowing nothing
about computers. 
She said that we (the Internet company) had given
her a virus. I asked her how that was possible. 
She told me that her computer wouldn't go on. I
asked her if she had pushed the power button.... 
She said yes that she had pushed the button twice
and it still didn't go on. 

(I had to call everyone and tell them)

I'm sure you've all watched Titanic and watched poor Jack 
Dawson sink to his watery grave, well when he was frozen and 
Rose pushed him under, my idiot ex-boyfriend yelled, "Jack 
Frost!!"  

Sent by Christine