My wife and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three- year-old Billy's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Desperate to calm him, my wife palmed a penny that she happened to have in her pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my wife's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, mum!"
The funniest thing I ever did was when I was borrowing my Dads car and I had to get gas. My Dad had a bad accident a few years back and he had both ankles surgically redone. So his car has handicap plates and I guess they have some rule that you have to give them full service at self serve pumps. The attendent came out and I waved him off without looking up from the nozzle. He tried to figure out why I had handicap plates so I thought it was a good time for a trick. I went to give him the money and I kept on bumping into things like the pump and when I went to give him the money I felt each individual bill and did the same when he gave me change. The whole time I spoke to him I staired into space( btw I was wearing dark sunglasses) . I walked out of the station running into everything and bumping my head when I got into my car. The attendent asked me, "How do you drive." I replied with, "What do you mean?" He answered with, "Are'nt you partially blind?" I ended with "No I am completely blind, I am driving a specially equiped car." I then sped away driving over the curb. In the rear view mirror I saw a station attendent with his jaw on the floor.
In a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male semen?" "That's correct", responded the prof, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl’s face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class...and never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the Profs reply was classic... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, he stated "It doesn't taste sweet, because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue".
