Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided
to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and
tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the
rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to
his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last
moment.

He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him and
cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging,
he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the
flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the
water by a kind fisherman and was taken to hospital, where he
died ... of exposure! 

When my sister teased her four-year-old daughter by
suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten
class, the little girl was quite indignant.
"No mommy, I don't," she replied,
"because he's only interested in one thing."
Shocked, my sister cautiously asked what that might be.
"Power Rangers, of course," said the toddler.

In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had consent of 
the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have 
a baby, they got the consent of the King and the King gave them placard 
that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had 
F. U. C. K. on it (Fornication Under Consent of the King).