There was a young harlot named Schwartz
Whose cock-pit was studded with warts,
        And they tickled so nice
        She drew a high price
From the studs at the summer resorts.

Her pimp, a young fellow named Biddle,
Was seldom hard up for a diddle,
        For according to rumor
        His tool had a tumor
And a fine row of warts down the middle.

I'LL KEEP YOUR CLOTHES

At first when we were dating
You would bring a rose
And as a ritual of mating
Leave behind some clothes

It seemed a cute formality
it put me in love's throws
It had a wondrous quality
"Yeah!  I'll keep your clothes."

You'd leave sexy underwear
The type that made you strut and pose
You'd toss them in my corner chair
I teased, "I'll keep your clothes"

Then there came some rainy washes
and some days of heavy snows
You'd leave raincoats and galoshes
I said, "Sure.  I'll keep your clothes"

Add T-shirts with a beer slogan
or an alien head that glows
or a samurai from Shogun
I said, "OK...I'll keep your clothes"

I left you little notes
"Hey, my closet overflows"
"I've boxed up all my coats!"
But, still, I keep your clothes

One day you showed up with a wagon
And a couple of cheap ho's
You said, "Baby, I'm baggin'"
I said, "Oh, yeah?  I'll keep your 
clothes"

You really blew your stack
You said, "Hey!  This really blows!
What are you?  On crack?"
I just said, "I'll keep your clothes"

You cried, "What am I to wear?"
I said, "Who cares?  Who knows?
You've been a sorry ass affair.
At least I'll keep your clothes"

The underwear so fine
I'll hold for other joes
The jeans that are now mine
They'll fit.  I'll keep your clothes.

The shirts that look like bags
The socks with ripped up toes
I'll use them up as rags
What fun to keep your clothes!

So, be nice to your ex-girlfriends
Watch where you put your nose
And be kind when the love ends
Or else, we'll keep your clothes

From the book:  THE LOVE POEMS OF THE 
FEMINIST FROM THE DARKSIDE by Fembah
Copyright 2000

There was a young vampire called Mabel
Whose periods were very unstable.
One night by the moon,
She pulled out a spoon
And drank herself under the table. 

There once was a girl of Siam
Who said to her lover, young Kiam
"If you take me, of course,
You must do it by force
But, thank God, you're stronger than I am." 

THERE ONCE WAS A RULER CALLED "SLICK"

THAT COULD'NT TAKE CONTROL OF HIS DICK 

HIS LIFE BECAME A MESS

BECAUSE OF A DRESS

AND THE BUS FULL OF INTERNS TAKE SICK.

Sent by Matthew