scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien
Civilization...

Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the
Star System at the top of the list, cross off that star
system, then put your Star System at the bottom of the
list and send it to 100 other Star Systems.  Within
one-tenth of a Galactic Rotation you will receive
enough hydrogen to power your civilization until
entropy reaches its maximum!  IT REALLY WORKS!

Schwarzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The POPE has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's
what is it?






A last name....... Were you thinking of something else?

The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the death
of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old.
Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately
8:42PM last evening.
Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and
going and going, "Pinkie" as he was known to his friends and
relatives, was alone at the time of his death.
An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medical
Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was
acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.

Apparently, someone had put Mr.Bunny's batteries in backwards,
and he kept coming, and coming and coming..... 

"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned
his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?"
"Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we have a carport."
The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?"
"No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "I'm always first out
of bed."
Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for
unnatural connubial practices?"
"Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything about
the connubial."
Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out are
what grounds you have."
"Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds."
"Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation,
"you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you
seeking this divorce?"
"Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man can't hold an
intelligent conversation."

Another Cow joke I attribute to my 'Ol chemestry prof was the placement of
a cow onto the roof.  I would presume a fairly storng roof, but once up
there it would be hard to hide the fact to the cow that any direction would
be down.

Another pratical joke involved the use of outhouses.  Once the target has
established himself you take up the slack on the attached rope which has
been measured to set up tremendious harmonics in the structure.  When the
rope transfers your strumming to the outhouse, it usually falls apart with
a most revieling nature..