This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in
   each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He
   has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.
   
   The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about
   the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the
   ducks.
   
   They chat for about 30 minutes before the bloke with the ducks has to
   go to the rest room. The ducks are left on the Bar.
   
   The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence.
   The bartender decides to try to make some conversation.
   
   "What's your name?" He says to the first duck. "Huey" said the duck.
   
   "How's your day been?"
   
   "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day."
   "Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender.
   
   Then he says to the second duck, "Hi. And what's your name?"
   
   "Dewey" came the answer.
   
   "So how's your day been?"
   
   "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If
   I had the chance another day I would do the same again."
   
   So the Bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be
   Louie"
   
   "No", growls the 3rd duck, "My name is Puddles. And don't ask about my
   fucking day!"
   

What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? 

    Fucks funny! 

What's blue and sings alone?

     - Dan Ackroyd. 

Barbie and G.I. Joe                                                               

    A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her
    turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What
    would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

    The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe."
    Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says,
    "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

    "No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe,
    she fakes it with Ken."

Q. Why couldn't the Lesbian tennis star compete in the Dutch Open?

A. She got her finger caught in a dike!